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The year 2022 has already been filled with obstacles and heartache — as well plans for a new cancer treatment — but I’m putting away the bad thoughts to get ready for the fight ahead of me.
I really respect the writings of my fellow bloggers who share their thoughts and stories for curetoday.com. Our journeys are different, yet the same. We have victories to celebrate and trials to endure. The successes are wonderful to read. The challenges ring true to our deepest souls, and we clearly understand them. My colleagues also share such valuable wisdom and information to inform new readers who are recently diagnosed or their caretakers. To you all, I say thank you.
I tend to share my successes, challenges, information about my ovarian cancer, and often some very personal stories about me. Writing for curetoday.com has been cathartic, as I am able to share information that someone might need to read. We are all fighting battles every day. This week was a tough one in many ways, with a few good days, but one hard day that put me in a spiral that was almost too hard to control.
My most recent article talked about my birthday. I don’t believe that I shared my age, but I am 69. Last of the 60s! My plan for my 70s is to live that decade to the max, but with that age comes age-related issues. Throw ovarian cancer in the loop, and you can have multiple problems.
Let’s talk about age-related fun things! I look healthy. I act healthy. I am active with gardening, bike riding, and skiing. I like to walk and do Zumba. I go to the YMCA for water aerobics.
I am fortunate that I do not have some age-related issues like hypertension, Parkinson’s disease, or cardiovascular disease. I have the start of cataracts, some arthritis, osteopenia and maybe a bit of hearing loss, and am grateful that I can still do the things I enjoy.
This is what I have been dealing with since the beginning of this year:
·Last January, I was moving a piece of furniture and I heard and felt a pop in my back. In February, I fell in the snow (not on my skis) walking down the driveway with slippery boots in the snow and fell on my back.
·I lost my dear oncologist of nine-plus years, Dr. Shruti Trehan, when she moved to the sunny south to help other patients that will be so lucky to have her. I was able to say goodbye, but my heart was broken.
·I was enrolled in a clinical trial from December to March and because of trial protocol numbers, I was released from the trial. The final meeting with Dr. Casey Cosgrove, my new oncologist, was difficult as I had hoped that I would have better luck and go into remission.
·I went on a vacation to see my sons in Idaho and had to return after three days because my back hurt too badly to stay and ski. My husband’s ski vacation on a mountain was cancelled because of me.
·I went to an orthopedic doctor to confirm that I in fact had facture in the first vertebra of my lumbar spine. The good news is that it is healing on its own and I do not need surgery or cement.
These five bulleted sentences were reasons guaranteed to cause depression for me.
Last Wednesday, I was able to meet my new oncologist Dr. Sareena Singh, and within a minute, I knew that I was going to be OK. I liked her immediately! We came up with a plan for treatment, chemo, chemo and more chemo (yuck), but I remain positive as we are adding some other things that will hopefully make a difference in building up my own body against side effects. This visit to my new doctor was a positive thing.
With all the bulleted sentences listed above as well as having to start chemo next week plus my raised CA-125 score (which indicates the potential presence of ovarian cancer), it was more than what I could handle. On Friday, it sent me in a spiral down a hole that I could not get out. My husband was amazing checking on me, comforting me, getting me food and drink, kissing me, holding me and loving me beyond measure. He believes that I will be OK and that everything will be alright. I am truly blessed.
I am not sure if any blogger has written about the horrible thoughts that go through our heads when we are in that spiral. They are awful, and probably should not be shared. Even considering them gets me thinking bad thoughts and I cannot afford those kinds of thoughts right now as I have a battle to fight in the weeks ahead. So, I will not go there.
The good things in my life are rich, really rich. My husband, family, friends and doctors are worth billions, and I could not do this journey without them. So here we go again.
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